Mr Simmons and the Holy Grail
by evilive
Summary: A Hey Arnold crossover with Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Pure drabble and drip. Just slight SimmonsOC. Rating because I don't know what to rate it.


Title: Mr. Simmons and the Holy Grail

Description: A Hey Arnold! crossover with Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Pure drabble and drip. Just slight SimmonsOC.

Genre: Humor/Parody

Disclaimer: I don't own _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ or _Hey Arnold!_, so don't sue me.

I don't even know what I was thinking when I wrote this, so... yeah. Try to enjoy it, but if you can't, I'm sorry. It is in Mr. Simmon's POV, somewhat... Oh, and I mean no offense to people in England, and if I offend any of you, please accept my sincere apologizes.

UBER SORRY TO ANYONE WHO WAS CONFUSED! 'Rhia' is my OC, who is a magician. She will appear in one of my stories that's coming soon. I should be slapped slaps self NOT HARD ENOUGH! slaps harder BTW, if you didn't know this is from the movie _Monty Pyton and the Holy Grail_, where the towns people are accusing a person of being a witch. My OC, Rhia, is both the person accused of being a witch and Sir Bedevere. This is a crack fic... sorry for the confussion, I should die... dies

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Mr. Simmons beckoned the knocking Rhia in. She trudged into the class room dressed in her black velvet performing cloak, uttering, "Sorry I 'ad to come dressed like this, but I jus' finished one of me shows and I-" 

"She's a witch!" a small student with scraggly black hair under a baseball cap cried, pointing at her with a shaking finger.

Rhia narrowed her eyes. "Well 'at's not very nice, you shouldn't-"

"She is a witch! She's got a wand hidden in her sleeve! I see it poking out!" a tall boy with a southern accent called.

"Burn her!" most of the class began to chant.

"Class, settle down! Class! Guys come on!" Mr. Simmons tried to get the attention of his class, but mass hysteria had gripped most of them.

Scowling, but with a showman's glint in her eyes, Rhia held her hand high above her head, a stick grasped loftily between her fingers. The class grew quiet and Rhia spoke, "There are ways of tellin' whether I am a witch." She nodded to Mr. Simmons, who took that as a sign that she had everything under control.

"Are there? Oh, well tell us," stated the young scraggly haired boy.

After receiving a mouthed 'Sid' from the teacher, Rhia looked back to the boy. "Tell me, What do you do with witches?"

A sick smile was on his face. "Burn them."

Nodding, she continued. "And what do you burn, apart from witches?"

The grin grew wider. "More witches."

All of a sudden the country boy spoke up, "Wood."

After a quick 'Stinky,' Rhia grinned at him. "Good. Now, why do witches burn?"

"Because they're made of... wood?" A heavy set child who she now knew to be Harold answered, unsure.

"Good. So how do you tell whether she is made o' wood?" Rhia asked, the glint taking over her entire face as she paced the front of the room. Glancing at her, Mr. Simmons furrowed his brow. She couldn't be... no, that would be so stupid... and yet...

Finally, Sid answered, "Build a bridge out of her."

Rhia shook a finger at him. "But can you not also build bridges out o' stone?" Sid looked down at his desk. Mr. Simmons looked at her. She was... oh good Lord, what has he done? He unleashed this once _British actress_ upon the unsuspecting class... God forgive him...

"Does wood sink in wata'?" she asked the class. Raising his hand, the scraggly haired boy nearly fell out of his seat with enthusiasm. She pointed at him, a peaceful smile on her lips.

"No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!" He stood up and Rhia realized that he probably only came to about her elbows. Never the less, she was slightly intimidated.

Holding her hands up she insisted, "No, no. What _else_ floats in wata'?" Mr. Simmons knew where this was going. God, why him?

Sid looked thoughtful for a moment as he sat down. He answered, "Bread."

Stinky too answered. "Apples."

"Very small rocks?" replied Harold, holding his fingers up in an attempt to show the size. The order of students answering repeated twice.

"Cider."

"Gravy.

"Cherries!"

"Mud!"

"Churches!"

"Lead! Lead!"

Mr. Simmons, rubbing a hand to his temple, sighed sadly. "A duck."

Giving him a cheesy smile that made him instantly forgive her, for now, she turned back to the class. "Exactly. So, logically..."

"If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood," Sid answered slowly, contemplating what he was saying.

Rhia coaxed the class. "And therefore..."

"A witch!" Stinky stood up and shouted.

Rolling his eyes, Mr. Simmons watched the class search frantically around for a duck. Rhia sauntered over to him and sat on his desk, cross-legged. "Don't think that I am ever going to forgive you for exposing these poor innocent minds to _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_," he groaned mock crossly. She threw him another cheesy grin.

"Oh come on, it was cute," she cooed, giving him the puppy eyes. Damn those eyes...

"Fine, but never again."


End file.
